08:47 

die Himmel

Sky is blue out there. So unusual in this city. And with Sun the great beauty comes. Of empty streets, of fresh air, of unexpected variety of colors.
Of clear sight.
And I have an undying urge towards achieving it. Solid state of awareness, in words, in emotions, in setting and reaching goals. Of undivided mind.
And in smalls steps, I am making progress.
For three days in a row I wake up at 7AM. Feeling a bit embarassed with silence and increasing amount of time, not spending these additional hours as efficiently as I desire to, but all that will go.
Nevertheless, I had hard time falling asleep yesterday, and I am not sure on reasons.

There is a raw sketch of a perfect awakening:
  1. A glass of moderately warm water.
  2. Shower.
  3. Exercising.
  4. Either walk or swimming pool.
  5. Breakfast.
  6. Writing notes here.
Each bullet itself empowers me with growing confidence in control over my life and awareness. In the morning I am not plugged-in device, but an identity.
With all the flaws in its design.
Last time I have listed topics I am interested in, but how real are they? As I am a dreamer, and I have always been one, it seems impossible to dedicate so much efforts into something I would never really dream of. I want to be doing science, because, in my view, it brings me closer to that world of phantasy I've always beared in mind. It's always here.

But is there real wonder out there?
Is there something I can truly enjoy?
Is it all real? Those futuristic concepts I am into?
Or will there be a painful grow up through disappointment?
What made me feel this way was "Les Soeurs Lumiere" by Thomas Köner. At the first sight, it seemd a single point of blinding light: space travel, hand-written letters from the other side, something new. All that reminded me of Alexandra, and, of course, I was mesmerized with the rezonance. But it seems to me sometimes, that in such cases I should not give art a second try. I have listened attentively to it, and it ended up all to human.
And is it coincidence or a pattern? Will it come down to this every time?
Is the world really that... boring? Doing something you must do, maintaining the state of your body, networking, paperwork, deadlines and so on? I mean, is there anything above this?
Or I will always draw a picture in my head, living several hours a day all alone, surrounded by artifical system of concepts, considering it the only reality possible, while, well, maintaining my fitness level for the rest of the day?
Is there anything real?

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